my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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