im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
