Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she peed on how many people?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
