it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize