So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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