Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
