i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
