I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize