theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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