Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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