im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
