He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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