You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
