Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
