I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
