I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
