do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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