How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
