So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
