Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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