The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
