You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
