just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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