Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
