you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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