I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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