xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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