i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
