Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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