Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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