How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
