I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
