I am puke
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
