How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
