if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize