if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Blood and glitter go together right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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