**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
