Betty ford says i'm here all night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
