he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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