I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
