ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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