But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
