Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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