The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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