she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
