Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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