Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
