it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
