I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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