this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Who died my cat blue again?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
