Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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