she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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