who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
