omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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