I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
