I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize