I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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