Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
