my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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