im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
