well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They are going to name an STD after you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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