My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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