His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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