My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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