It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
