Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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