I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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