Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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