Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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