i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I look better un-naked...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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