two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
